Without You: Day 1

Yesterday was one of the saddest life in my life. Breakup with you (officially) is a big regret in my life and I cannot do anything to save it. As you said, we cannot force ourselves especially love and I respect your decision though I really do not like it ends like that.

The biggest hurt is that I thought you had given me a chance. When I saw the word "dear" in your sms I thought we could patch up but it turned out not to be. Perhaps it was a typo error or spontaneous word came out from you. On my way home my phone played some songs that we shared together: Elton John's Your Song, Faye Wong's edition of Wishing We Last Forever(但願人長久), Simon and Garfunkel's Sound of Silence and etc. Hell, this was really hurt and I could not control my tears anymore.

I need to return all the stuffs that you have given me because I find them seriously breaking my heart. I chose to reject your present yesterday not out of disrespect but that present was supposed to be our 1 year anniversary present. I hope you understand this.

When I got home I did some cleaning job. Moving your messages into a hidden place and packing some other things that were given from you. I looked back some of our photos and I found a file even heartbreaking. It recorded the song that I sang to you over the internet. That was very saddening.

When I went to bed I could not help recalling our moments together. Though it's not much but happy. And some other things appeared too. How could I start anew when my surrounding and daily life was so much being affected by you. We sms-ed and talked on the phone, laughed and cried for Liverpool FC and etc. I even thought of supporting Manchester United or perhaps I should just quit football but I think I should better just die. At some point I hated you to death but it was too painful to take.

Life now is souless as a zombie. Woke up today and still feeling the pain in my heart. Could not laugh or cry anymore. Bathed then turned on Facebook to check her out. Suddenly I realized I shall not dwell on this anymore. Life goes on. I need to convert my pain into work, to work my ladder up.

Sorry I cannot be your friend now. I need time to heal the wounds. Perhaps we can be good friends in the future but I'm not so sure. I don't think I can take it if u went on to a hot date or found a partner.

Hope you know how deep my love is for you and how hurt it is because it's my first relationship. You'll be always on my mind. God bless you and I sincerely wish you all the best.